So I had a long conversation with a close friend who is aware of the majority of my exploits. She’s even been in vicinity for several. She told me I was a nonconformist because I do not follow rules as an athiest re: marriage. I told her that in terms of my marriage, I’m not a nonconformist but a hypocrite. I took the vows to commit and flagrantly break them. She, however, is a traditionalist - believes that once you commit to someone, that’s it. Period. We’re friends because we have alot of other things in common and because she doesn’t judge me.
Then she asked me a very important question. “What would your husband do if he found out that you cheated? Would he be okay with it?”
I thought a bit and told her that I don’t think he’d be “okay” with it but it likely wouldn’t divorce me because of it. Then she asked me how I think he’d respond if I asked for an open relationship and would he be hurt? This is the question that has been bouncing around my head for years. I never, ever want to hurt him in any way, but I recognize that it’s only a matter of time before I slip up and he finds out that I’ve made out with someone else or worse. But would it hurt him if I asked for an open marriage? I honestly don’t know and I’m unsure if I’m willing to find out. So I have some serious thinking to do. Would I be asking to make myself feel better about future activities or to absolve myself in some way and his expense? Because I don’t believe my husband would go out and have an affair, etc. If he had a sex drive he’d be driving me!
Then my friend told me about her friend Wendy that has an open relationship with her husband, but her husband doesn’t go outside the marriage. It’s more for the wife as the husband is asexual or has become asexual and she has sex with others for her own satisfaction. This astonishes me. My friend told me that it’s really working well for Wendy and her husband and that they’re both happy.
Does the husband sit and obsess with thoughts about what Wendy is doing every time she leaves the house? Or does he see it as a trade-off? She leaves him alone sexually and they have sex a few times a year (whenever he’s interested) and in return, he gives her that freedom.
So my friend gave me a website that I’m going to check out. It’s about customizing a marriage so that both partners are happy and stay happy using multiple aspects of marriages or relationships in general. I’m fascinated! redefiningmonogamy.com
I’ll let you know what I think.